Parenting made 'Complicated"

One of the most privileged duties of our human existence is parenting. Indeed, one of the duties that I have most enjoyed is parenting, and not just parenting but parenting of boys. Where I grew up, being a boy was a natural hazard.  You are expected to be hardy, self-driven, self-dependent and if God was on your side, you were expected to emerge and transition into a man.  A boy pretty much grew up on their own – much like the bushes and trees, and the birds.  The transition of a boy to a man should qualify as one of the greatest wonders of the world! This makes bringing up boys a most amazing privilege.  As it happens, we are now in a different age, a different space in time – in which we are to bring up children, (including boys); as opposed to letting them grow.

One of the more common challenges of parenting is whether to bring up children the way you were brought up, or whether to find some other (sometimes ‘modern’) way in which to bring up children.  I am involved in many parenting conversations and I find there are generally two types of parents.  There are those who want to bring up children the same way they were brought up with the same (sometimes tough) values that they were brought up with, usually because, they reason, that they came out just fine.  Then there are those who want to bring up their children in the way they wish they would have been brought up – with generous easy going rules, no hardships, and where the parent is a ‘buddy’.  Some of these parents have had some ‘traumatic experiences in life and somewhere in their history, they promised themselves that their children would never ‘suffer’ the same ‘hardships’ that they suffered.  So, if they did not like boarding school, they will ensure that their children do not go through boarding school; if they did not like certain meals, they will ensure that their children do not have to eat the same meals.  If they did not have enough pocket money, they will ensure that their children have more money than they need.

It gets even worse if one parent is from one school of thought and the other parent of from the other.  The constant conversation then becomes defending the children from one another’s perceived ‘tyranny’.  Regardless of the school of thought that each parent subscribes to, the bottom line is that successfully bringing up the next generation – into independent, progressive, self-driven, adults - is (or should be) the most important priority of parents.  Many times, parents get carried away in building their own success and forget to invest in the success of the next generation.  In Africa, you generally refer to people by their parents – son of or daughter of xyz.  The implication of this standard reference is that no matter how successful you will become, your success will always be attributed to your parents.  Wisdom therefore dictates that as you build your own successes, you also get ready to invest in the success of your children and the next generation – as a way to build your own legacy.  History will judge you by how successfully you brought up your children.

In many parts of Africa, many ‘successful’ – read wealthy, people have had their legacies destroyed because they did not successfully hand over the baton to the next generation – because they did not prepare the next generation.  Many parents of teenagers who detested ‘mom’s way’ find themselves going back to mom to ask for advice on how to manage these ‘wayward’ fellows.  I for one believe that mom’s way works best – even with the new techno-filled, friendly-parent, hurt-no-one environment.  I feel that today’s parent is struggling to find the necessary firmness required for successfully raising the next generation, and the young ones are having a ball of a time – oblivious of what it will cost them in the long term.  Good Luck, Happy parenting!